Day 41 – Fast Forward

I want to fast forward ahead to the time when we can wake up in the morning next to each other every day. We’ll plan completely insane and impromptu trips to random places for no good reason. We’ll have a favorite pub where we can be found every now and then, walking back tipsily at the end of the night. We’ll make lots of garlic bread with cheese. Maybe I’ll finally learn how to listen to audio books without pulling out my hair. We could do anything in the world that we want. Even though I know that I shouldn’t be trying to skip ahead, that the journey is the best part, I just want to skip this uncertain part of the road, take a shortcut and arrive at the point where the scenery is better and the bad parts are firmly in the rearview. But I also know that this is exactly what I should not be doing. There is a reason that things happen in the way that they do. There is a time and a place for them and the obstacles are meant to help us grow. Also, let’s face it, skipping ahead has never worked out for me. So we’re going to take this slow, deal with things that need to be dealt with. And we’ll reach where we’re meant to be.

I used to have a different kind of wish before. To be a time traveler, and jump to different points in time just to see what my life looks like and whether I am happy. That’s all I wanted to be able to do. Just reassure myself that things worked out. Of course at the time I didn’t realise that this is quite a universal yearning. Most people would want the gift of foresight instead of hindsight. This is why we’re so obsessed with time travel in popular culture. I have devoured books such as ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’ and endlessly watched time travel episodes in the Star Trek franchise. I love the idea of fate; the idea that no matter what happens, it was always meant to be. So you can move through the fabric of space and time but things will happen exactly the way they were meant to. At the same time, I agonize over my smallest decisions sometimes, wondering if there was something different I could have said or done in a particular situation which would have led to a different outcome. I guess I’m just a contrarian and I am probably proud to be one. Can’t be sure, it’ll all be clear in hindsight.

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