Self Discovery…

Her fingers raced across the keys on her laptop. Even from the flickering reflection in the window of the bus, it was obvious that she was hard at work. Brows furrowed, deep in concentration, lips twisted in a way that showed that whatever was showing up on her screen was far from good news. After half an hour of pounding the keys and somehow balancing the laptop while the bus jerked along the puddle filled roads of Bombay, she gave up and gave in to the nagging headache that had been wrecking havoc for the past few days. Even packing away the laptop in its case seemed to require too much energy so she just let it sit in the seat next to her and stared moodily out of the window into the incessant rains outside. Monsoon was certainly at its peak and she was caught right in the middle of it. After a minute or so when her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she became aware that she was far from home, it would take atleast another hour to get there and then she had an appointment with the gym. She groaned at the prospect but she had promised herself that the next three months nothing would stop her. She was to be married come December and she wanted to look her best and the thought of that made her smile sleepily before she drifted off into exhausted sleep..

And that is where it gets interesting, for you see, this is where I am lost. I can set up the picture perfectly and make you feel like you’re actually there, its so vivid but when it comes to imagination, feelings, thoughts, there is very little I can do. That is probably the reason why I have half a dozen half finished stories lying around somewhere or the other, I kept telling myself, its just a problem of mine of mine, I just can’t write stories. Essays? Monologues? Speeches? Anecdotes? Interpretations of events? Philosophy? All those things but never a complete story with a beginning, middle and end. I had resigned my self to the fact but that’s where apparently I was wrong. I read a book that told me otherwise. It said that the only thing that kept me from writing a story, which I clearly wanted to, was my fear of what people might think of it. Having read this a few times and digested it, I set out to figure out what it really meant. I had always prided myself on not caring much about what the world said and thought, indeed on occasion I have deliberately gone out my way to do things differently and questioned things that ought to have been left alone. So you would think I wouldn’t be afraid of what people might say to a story that I may choose to write, right? Wrong. The book went on to tell me that the more the things are dear to us, the worse this fear of failure gets until we’re so paralyzed by it we can’t even bear to think about it. Well that made a lot of sense and again I’m not just referring to writing here. The fear of failure and rejection is always there tapping on our shoulders until we crumble and give up. The trick is to just not let it do that. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Yet it is the hardest thing to do on earth, it is actually probably easier to pull the trigger of a gun! But just think for a moment that if instead of giving in to the fear we learn to accept failure as a part of life, knowing that we’d be richer in knowledge because of it, life would certainly be different. I like to call it the ‘practical power of positive thinking’. I used to be skeptical about the theory that if only you would believe and imagine the best would happen, it would happen. It sounded too idealistic to be true. But lets just twist it a little bit. ‘Think Positive’ needs to be more interpreted to mean that whatever happens should be used as an opportunity to learn something new. So now instead of naively saying, ‘Oh I’m going to think positive, I am going to be rich someday’ and expecting to sail to the finish line; we would be a position to learn from the mistakes we make, hurdles we cross, ridicule and criticism we attract and because of this learning, we would be rich in more ways that one!

So here is a solemn pledge to shut out the fear and make the best use of the life I’ve been given to learn something and do some good in this crazy world! And I think some stories might see the light of day after all!


The Bigger Picture…

Sometimes we just get too caught up in the moment to realize that there is so much more beyond it. These are the times when we let our worst fears rule our best instincts and the worst that can happen at a time like this that you find that you have no one beside you to tell you otherwise. If you are ever faced with a situation like this, then just repeat to yourself a very simple statement: This too shall pass. For there is nothing in this world that lasts forever. So if you’re going through hell, accept it. If you find not a single friend around you who understands why you are doing what you are doing, accept it. If at times you yourself don’t understand the things you are doing, accept it (trust me, your instincts know better). Think of the bigger picture. The bad time will pass and your far thinking will take you places, the true friends will remain by your side for life in spite of what it may seem like for now and your instincts will be well honed to recognize these signs in future. And most of all just remember that there is a lesson in everything in life and that is NOT that you should fear what life throws at you just because you have had one bad experience in the past, but that you now are better equipped to deal with the situation before you. It isn’t easy I know to keep yourself from sinking into doubt, but make a deal with yourself not to wallow in it. Take a minute, but only a minute, to tell yourself every single thing that you can possibly do wrong and then vow not to let it happen. You will feel better for it for two reasons; one is that once you list all the negatives they won’t seem all that bad and two is that the reassurance from yourself that you won’t let anything go wrong will go a long way in boosting your confidence when you find it failing. Don’t get me wrong, mistakes will still happen, but they won’t cripple you if you have that vision in your head of where you are headed, the light in your eyes which guides your path and voice in your ear that gives you your confidence, in short: the bigger picture is what you need to think of.


When once upon a time,

You sat upon a wall
Staring into the distance
With dreams shining in your eyes
The people of the town,
Would look at you and say,
“There’s a lad who needs to
get the hell away!”
The children of the town
Would come around and play
And look at you in awe
And wonder what you did all day
But alas they never knew
The reason you were there
Was only so that you
Would be fortunate enough
To catch a glimpse of
The fair maiden that resides
Behind the castle wall
The very wall on which you sat
And wasted your life away.
And life and fate are such that
In the end you didn’t even sway
When you took that last quiet breath
The reason I call this poem (or atleast an attempt at poetry!) ‘Fortune’, is because I believe that most of us waste our life away waiting to catch a glimpse of it. Instead, lets get off that wall and do something about it. Cheers!


Have you ever looked up into falling rain? Or noticed how raindrops bounce off surfaces before they finally come to a rest? Or how perfect it looks when you see rain caught in the beam of a car’s headlights? So perfectly aligned every drop that even as we curse all the havoc the rains cause, we can’t help but admire the beauty of it. For it really does test your patience when they is a lovely cool breeze playing around outside but you dare not open the window of the bus lest you get drenched from the rain. Instead, what do we do? We sit in a steaming bus stuck in never ending traffic jams on just another rainy day in this crazy city we call home. But I digress, I was talking about the sheer beauty of nature at its best. Nature taking care of its own, replenishing parched soils generously, never sparing a thought to what it might be doing to all creatures great and small. But to be fair, its not that rains are only about bad things. There is so much joy in splashing around in puddles and getting thoroughly drenched even though there is an umbrella in your bag. And who hasn’t stuck out an arm through a window just to catch raindrops in their palm? Its all these enticing little things that keep you coming back for more, even when you know that at the end of the day, a drizzle will turn into a downpour and then a thunderstorm and alas flood you with all its might; but for now its just fun to play in the rain. Cheers!