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2015 in review

Annual Report 2015! Here’s to a happy new year šŸ™‚

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,000 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 17 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

A Little Pondering

I took the bus today, took me twice as long to reach home than if I had taken the train but that was fine. Just the simple pleasure of sitting in an almost empty bus, by the window, feeling the breeze on my face was enough. I had a magazine for company and the time was spent quite happily. It just reminds me to be grateful for the little things in life and also that some things never change (read: the slow rambling bus routes in Mumbai).

Change is a wonderful thing and without accepting that, one would tend to find oneself always out of step with reality. But somethings will not and should not change and those will be the pillars holding us up, the foundations of the future. For example, I am not much of a picture taker (I don’t particularly enjoy being clicked either) and I don’t think that that’ll ever change. I prefer capturing moments in my head and cherish them. When the moment is important enough, you will remember it, there will be no need for the picture to serve as a reminder. I once thought that my blog would be more interesting if I had more pictures on it. But that just made me very anxious every time I wrote something because I would worry about the perfect picture to accompany it. In the end it made me not want to write and that was just sad so I stopped trying. I might still put up a picture from time to time if the mood strikes but that’s about it. I’m not one for endless clicking and uploading of pictures on Facebook, Instagram et al. I like to think that this says something about me but what that something might be is a mystery still.

Another of my pet peeves that hasn’t changed much over the years is to be lazy about things that are important to me. Somehow it is so much easier to put my back into things when someone else is holding the reins and there is a possibility of disappointing them. But the things that I care about often fall to the wayside, like my writing for example or exercising or let’s face it, my applications to B-Schools. I’m quite disappointed in myself about this actually and this is something that definitely needs to change. Life is all about balance. Too much of anything is not good but its one hell of an effort to bring about such a change. But like I observed earlier, change is wonderful :P. This is probably the perfect example. I hereby solemnly swear to make conscious and careful decisions from here onwards and find my balance. It will be an uphill task and many many battles before I’m satisfied with how things are but here’s a promise that I will get there. Enough said.

Until next time.

Cheers!

PS # This probably sounds like a resolution that should have been made in the new year. But hey I’m lazy remember? So its a tad late šŸ˜›

My Life As I See It

It’s been a while since I sat down at 8 in the morning to write. There have been a handful of instances across time when I have done this and it seems to me that that is what makes it so special. It also usually means that I’m supposed to actually do something else but I’ve just indulged myself and let loose. Today, however was different. I woke up about 20 minutes ago with a fully formed thought in my head that I wanted to write. I didn’t know what about and it didn’t bother me because somehow once I found my laptop open in front of me, I was sure that I would find my fingers racing across the keyboard and indeed that is what happened.
Well I’ve settled on what I want to write about. I want to write about writing and the strange fascination I’ve always had for it. I have always unequivocally loved reading, there has been no doubt in my mind about that. I may be picky about what I read sometimes but I’m quite convinced that I could read anything in world out there (provided I knew the language of course!). Writing however has been more elusive. Like a houseguest who you aren’t sure how long they would stay. Or when they would be back again. But the way I feel about it has always remained steady like a gnawing pain that won’t go away. I didn’t have words to describe this feeling for a long time and then I heard it in the movie The Hours. It describes it perfectly:
“I wanted to be a writer, that’s all. I wanted to write about it all. Everything that happens in a moment. The way the flowers looked when you carried them in your arms. This towel, how it smells, how it feels, this thread. All our feelings, yours and mine. The history of it, who we once were. Everything in the world. Everything all mixed up, like it’s all mixed up now. And I failed. I failed. No matter what you start with it ends up being so much less. Sheer fucking pride and stupidity.”
That’s how I’ve always felt. Like I want to write everything but somehow every time I take pen to paper, it always feels so much less than what it was in my head. The colours in the scenery just lack that lustre and it cripples me then to think that everything I will ever write will be that way and I will never be able to say everything that I want to. But I’ve slowly realised over time that its ok. It doesn’t matter that I couldn’t get it out perfectly or that I never will. It only matters that I felt happy about it. When I don’t expect to do something great I’ve managed to write some things that I am exceedingly proud of. I go back to these from time to time and wonder how I wrote them. But there is no secret, its just practice and discipline and habits being formed and most importantly being happy with what you are writing. Its about not assuming that you can or cannot write in a certain style. Its about never limiting yourself. Its about just writing down whatever comes to mind without second guessing yourself. And most importantly it is about getting over the fear of that nagging disappointment that comes when you’ve finished writing something that then looks nothing like what you imagined it would be. Its about celebrating every word for what it is and coming back to write more and more and more. No matter how agonizing it is. No matter how much your palm sweats from the effort or your head hurts or your eyes just want to close because its the end of a long day and you just don’t want to write anymore.

I don’t suppose anyone in the world can ever write it all. But when we all write our own little parts, these stories come together and become so much more than just the sum of the parts. Its the richest and most complete story ever spun because each and every thread is unique not matter how much they seem similar. Like pieces of music that are made up of the same notes but each different from the next. Our words are what stay and tell our story long after we have uttered them. So put it all out there in the universe, your voice, your story. There are enough things in this world to inspire. The cup of tea I had this morning with the steam gently rising from the surface made me think about time passing slowly by. The patch of sunlight on the floor right now makes me think about strength and solidity. The dance steps I was attempting to learn last night (unsuccessfully) was proof of how much I love my friends to even think of attempting something like that. Watching the sun set over the sea yesterday evening just gave me an assurance that it would keep happening again and again till time itself stopped. The clear blue sky that I can see outside my window right now is humbling, makes me acknowledge how really small and insignificant we are in this universe. It all matters, it all counts, so never ever hesitate to write it down.
Cheers!

My Life As I See It

It’s been a while since I sat down at 8 in the morning to write. There have been a handful of instances across time when I have done this and it seems to me that that is what makes it so special. It also usually means that I’m supposed to actually do something else but I’ve just indulged myself and let loose. Today, however was different. I woke up about 20 minutes ago with a fully formed thought in my head that I wanted to write. I didn’t know what about and it didn’t bother me because somehow once I found my laptop open in front of me, I was sure that I would find my fingers racing across the keyboard and indeed that is what happened.
Well I’ve settled on what I want to write about. I want to write about writing and the strange fascination I’ve always had for it. I have always unequivocally loved reading, there has been no doubt in my mind about that. I may be picky about what I read sometimes but I’m quite convinced that I could read anything in world out there (provided I knew the language of course!). Writing however has been more elusive. Like a houseguest who you aren’t sure how long they would stay. Or when they would be back again. But the way I feel about it has always remained steady like a gnawing pain that won’t go away. I didn’t have words to describe this feeling for a long time and then I heard it in the movie The Hours. It describes it perfectly:
“I wanted to be a writer, that’s all. I wanted to write about it all. Everything that happens in a moment. The way the flowers looked when you carried them in your arms. This towel, how it smells, how it feels, this thread. All our feelings, yours and mine. The history of it, who we once were. Everything in the world. Everything all mixed up, like it’s all mixed up now. And I failed. I failed. No matter what you start with it ends up being so much less. Sheer fucking pride and stupidity.”
That’s how I’ve always felt. Like I want to write everything but somehow every time I take pen to paper, it always feels so much less than what it was in my head. The colours in the scenery just lack that lustre and it cripples me then to think that everything I will ever write will be that way and I will never be able to say everything that I want to. But I’ve slowly realised over time that its ok. It doesn’t matter that I couldn’t get it out perfectly or that I never will. It only matters that I felt happy about it. When I don’t expect to do something great I’ve managed to write some things that I am exceedingly proud of. I go back to these from time to time and wonder how I wrote them. But there is no secret, its just practice and discipline and habits being formed and most importantly being happy with what you are writing. Its about not assuming that you can or cannot write in a certain style. Its about never limiting yourself. Its about just writing down whatever comes to mind without second guessing yourself. And most importantly it is about getting over the fear of that nagging disappointment that comes when you’ve finished writing something that then looks nothing like what you imagined it would be. Its about celebrating every word for what it is and coming back to write more and more and more. No matter how agonizing it is. No matter how much your palm sweats from the effort or your head hurts or your eyes just want to close because its the end of a long day and you just don’t want to write anymore.

I don’t suppose anyone in the world can ever write it all. But when we all write our own little parts, these stories come together and become so much more than just the sum of the parts. Its the richest and most complete story ever spun because each and every thread is unique not matter how much they seem similar. Like pieces of music that are made up of the same notes but each different from the next. Our words are what stay and tell our story long after we have uttered them. So put it all out there in the universe, your voice, your story. There are enough things in this world to inspire. The cup of tea I had this morning with the steam gently rising from the surface made me think about time passing slowly by. The patch of sunlight on the floor right now makes me think about strength and solidity. The dance steps I was attempting to learn last night (unsuccessfully) was proof of how much I love my friends to even think of attempting something like that. Watching the sun set over the sea yesterday evening just gave me an assurance that it would keep happening again and again till time itself stopped. The clear blue sky that I can see outside my window right now is humbling, makes me acknowledge how really small and insignificant we are in this universe. It all matters, it all counts, so never ever hesitate to write it down.
Cheers!

On Being Immortal

There is a deep seated need in each one of us to be remembered. We may not acknowledge it, we may even laugh at someone who boldly states it but it is there, in the centre of our hearts.We seek it all the time, desperate to leave a piece of ourselves in the form of a memory in someone else’s life; a photograph immortalized by the internet; a song we sang off key; a family video of us just goofing around; a blog we used to write which will be preserved for eternity no matter how long it has lain dusty. This is the reason we suffer anguish, when the computer crashes and leaves us a wreckage of our beloved collection of photographs and videos; when the internet goes off and you realise that the draft you were writing was not saved. We have become hardened by the time we have spent on this earth, developing into a civilization. We no longer trust the human memory, how much can it take anyway? There are too many of us, we reason, not everyone will be remembered. We doubt our own memories too when we suddenly find that we can’t remember the dates of important events in our lives or even the most important moments themselves.

So you see we are not really to blame to take advantage of the advancements of our race to try and preserve a piece of ourselves, the best and the brightest ones so that when we are gone, they will live on. We are scared to imagine the lives of our ancestors who we know nothing about. We wonder if we are making the same mistakes they once made, because we have no way to know their stories. Sure we have a history, that can teach us the futility of war and the importance of being human but its never personal enough to make us sit up and take notice. We can think of people from history in third person but we can’t imagine ourselves in their place because we can’t really feel it. It is important therefore to be remembered for exactly who we were so that our future generations can look back and really know us.

Of course I may just be romanticizing it all and giving it more weight than it deserves. But I have to believe that the whole world has not just taken leave of its senses to spend such time and effort to make themselves immortal. Maybe it is actually the most important thing we are ever going to do and therefore worth the effort and the time we spend.

Or maybe I’m just rambling as usual…

Time After Time

Its nice to take a step back in time sometimes. That is exactly the feeling I got in the one month that I spent in Kolkata. Life has still managed to remain slow here and food miraculously cheap! The very concept of a cycle rickshaw gives you the blissful feeling that you have all the time in the world. While roads may be just as bad in other cities, here they have the effect of making you feel like you are moving in slow motion. Even the very nature of the people will make it hard for you to rush things along. Add to that the long hours of daylight and the present humid weather, well I atleast was thrown back. It is notĀ anĀ altogether unpleasant feeling. Sometimes it is nice to slow things down, but unfortunately it is all just an illusion and time ultimately does fly by and likewise my time in Kolkata also came to an end. It served as a reminder that life always moves along and there is nothing you can do to change that. All we can do is navigate, change the direction in which we want to move and most importantly enjoy every step of the journey. I read a quote that said: “Life may not be fair but its still a gift”. I thought it was so true. Through all the trials and tribulations that we go through, it will only matter later if we were happy. And that is our choice, to be happy with our lives, with ourselves, to look for the good and bright and positive and disregard all else. If we can channelize all this energy within us and focus on setting a direction for our lives, there is nothing in the world we cannot achieve. Its seems really strange to me that this is what I took away from this trip but I did. I came away with a lot of conviction; faith in myself and a resolve to make things happen in my life. I brought back some amazing and unforgettable memories from this trip which I will always cherish. And it was symbolic that as my flight was taking off from Kolkata, the heavens opened up to let loose a flood of rain. I was greeted by the same pouring rain on landing in Mumbai with the only difference being the cool breezes that followed the rain instead of the humidity of Kolkata. For a moment I was nostalgic, wishing myself back. But alas you can only move forward, not backwards, and so I prepare myself to turn the page and start a new chapter in my life. It is a little scary but that is only natural. Life is always a test of our character and our strength but we are the only ones who get to decide whether we lived up to our expectations or not. In the end, we have only ourselves to face…

And with that I end this very random rambling.. Until next time, Cheers!

Suddenly

Well as suddenly as it began, the summer seems to be over. I say seems because the rain doesn’t seem to have dispelled any of the heat. As I sit here with a beer mug full of mango milkshake (sheer heaven!), I want to take a moment to look back. A lot has happened this summer starting with me taking the GMAT. I figured that taking the test would be the hardest part but apparently that isn’t entirely accurate. Ever since I got my test results, all I’ve done is think about my application essays. They somehow make you think long and hard about your life. After struggling with where to begin for more than a month, I decided to start at the unlikeliest place, my email inbox. It needed some cleaning and organizing anyway and somehow reading old emails helped me see a lot of things about myself very clearly. It was also a beautiful walk down memory lane, and made me feel grateful for everything I have had in my life: friends who have stood by me through thick and thin, the places that I have been to and the experiences that I have had. In the mad rush of the world today, where everyone always seems one step ahead of you and there is always something left to catch up on, its nice to feel grounded and know that you wouldn’t trade your life for anyone else’s. I am a product of everything I have been through and for better or for worse that is who I am and I’m proud of it. There is nothing I would change because what I am today will help me get to where I want to be (this destination is unknown at the moment). I truly believe that everything always falls into place at the right time and all you have to do is keep working towards that goal of yours.

Cheers!

Best Day Ever

I thought for a while about what my best day ever would be, and well here it goes…

There would definitely be reading involved, an ‘aha’ moment would be a bonus. It’s that moment when while reading something youĀ realizeĀ some profoundĀ truth like never before and most likely it stays with you for a while and anytime there is a reference to it, you are taken back to the day when you first realized it and you can remember every detail of the moment.

There would also be some organizing involved: desk, closet, inbox, phone, reading list, could be anything. The satisfaction of knowing that I have taken that one step closer to perfection (even though no such thing exists!) is exhilarating.

The weather of course would be sunny with clear blue skies, a few wisps of clouds and a strong breeze during the day. The sunset would be fiery red and the twilight would last long. And the night would be clear and cool. Nothing about the weather would be stuffy or disagreeable.

My best day would not however be spent alone because let’s face it, too much of solitude gets lonely. But nothing too eventful either, maybe a leisurely conversation in the early evening sitting by the window or strolling in the park.

That is all really, all I need for it to be a perfect day… Ā 

This is in response to the daily prompt:Ā http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/prompt-best-day-ever/