Day 40 – There is no sense in anything

Sometimes I wonder whether there is any sense in trying to make sense of this world. Maybe it would just be better to find the delusion that suits me best and live in that cocoon. I guess I already do that in a way. But there is this constant underlying nagging anxiety that this isn’t right. I should be a better person; live a more fulfilling life; be healthier; work more for a better cause or work less and do what I really want with my life. It’s an endless buffet of choices with which to self flagellate. Every once in a while I read some impassioned piece about being true to yourself and to hell with the rest of the world. It sounds good but just slightly divorced from reality. Only in the last couple of months, I have taken a few decisions which are solely for the purpose of making myself happy. For example, I decided that this year I would only read fiction. I am done with all the endless non-fiction of which I have found only a handful to be truly engaging. Most of the rest have been the equivalent of swallowing very bitter medicine. But even having made this decision, I have imposed on myself a target number of books to read in the year and I have been increasingly paranoid about not reading my daily quota. I know for a fact that I feel better after spending my evening reading rather than binge watching TV shows but I still wish I didn’t have this voice in my head telling me to make better choices.

In other news, this weekend I finally finished reading the audio book of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and it was some ride. It has taken me almost a month to finish this book but it is so engaging that I really don’t understand why. In any case, I am very happy to be done with that. I will think long and hard before I start another audiobook in future. Stephen Fry is an excellent narrator. I first encountered his work when I heard the Harry Potter series narrated by him. I have heard the entire series end to end atleast 5 times just because of his narration and it will always be my comfort listen. I am starting on my next book today: Marion Lane and the Midnight Murder and I am sincerely hoping to make up for lost time this month. Wish me luck. Cheers!

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