Technically, I started work an hour earlier today and so ended my workday an hour earlier as well. But I still felt like I had stolen an extra magical hour. I have always wondered idly if it would make a difference having some free time before starting work or after. I usually go for the hour before work because it lets me linger over breakfast, coffee and some reading before I dive into the day. But I am surprised at just how much of a difference it made to have my workday end while it was still daylight. I went for a walk earlier, I ate dinner even earlier than usual and I had the rest of the evening to relax. Even the few personal chores didn’t seem like a big deal. And once I wrap up this post, I will settle in with my book and read until I fall asleep. I can hardly believe it myself.
Until a few months ago, I did not think this was a possibility. It wasn’t just making time that I found difficult; I couldn’t seem to switch my brain from work to non-work. So even when I told myself all the things I could do with my time after work, I would never be able to summon up the energy after my workday. Maybe my motivation wasn’t strong enough then but now it is and I find myself able to reach the goal I have been setting myself: of finishing up work at a specified time and then switching off completely until the next day. It didn’t help that the mentors in my early years have all modelled the sort of behaviour which seems to put work at the centre of life. I am still responsible for having followed that path unquestioningly. It took me more than 10 years to properly think about it and question my attitude. Previously, I have had bouts of impulsive slacking off work or taking unplanned breaks but they were all akin to a child acting out instead of addressing the problem at it’s root. I wish I had reached here sooner but I think this is exactly the path I needed to take to get here. Even now, I can’t say I have it all sorted. I am tenuously balancing on a beam, quite convinced I will fall at any time. I hope to build my confidence to keep balancing and more importantly to rise again if I fall.
On that note, I bid adieu.